


Lethargy

by corgasbord



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Trans Character, but he's good at giving motivational speeches, in which shuuichi is sad and kaito is full of bad ideas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:12:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9667652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corgasbord/pseuds/corgasbord
Summary: Shuuichi decides to text Kaito at two in the morning because he needs someone to talk to. Things don't turn out the way he expects at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i've come back from the dead just to let everyone know that drv3 ruined my life, and also that the lack of saimota content around here is extremely disappointing. what the fuck, you guys.
> 
> so, i've decided to try my hand at writing these two. it didn't turn out as gay as it could have, but here you go anyway. just take it.
> 
> it's also posted on [tumblr](http://corgiboard.tumblr.com/post/157131485865/lethargy), if anyone's interested.

Shuuichi grips his phone anxiously, reading and re-reading the message he just typed out while his finger hovers over the “Send” button.

It’s two in the morning and he can’t sleep. This wouldn’t be the first time he’s been up past midnight, but there’s a marked difference between staying awake of one’s own accord and being kept awake by restless thoughts.

He’s been experiencing the latter more often, lately.

_“Hey, Momota-kun. Are you still awake?”_

It’s a simple enough message, but those six words convey an urgency that he isn’t sure is necessary, hence his hesitation. They imply that he has something to talk about. They place the burden of leading a conversation squarely on Shuuichi’s shoulders, and that’s not a responsibility he’s sure he can handle right now.

Then again, the question of whether he can handle having only his own thoughts for company is growing more and more pressing.

Screwing his eyes shut as if preparing for something unpleasant, he lets his loneliness get the better of him and sends the text. Part of him hopes that Kaito is already asleep, but he keeps the phone in his hand anyway, just in case.

It isn’t that he dislikes Kaito. Far from it, in fact. It’s that Shuuichi isn’t used to being the first one to send a text, especially with Kaito. So trying to initiate a conversation with him at such a late hour, even if the guy happens to be his best friend, is a bit intimidating.

Shuuichi is surprised to get a response within a minute, but it’s more because of how fast it was than the fact that Kaito is still awake when any reasonable person would be fast asleep. Kaito, after all, is no reasonable person. He looks at his phone again, the brightness of the screen highlighting the dark circles that have formed beneath his eyes.

_“yea man whats up”_

_“Not much, I just couldn’t sleep. I’m not disturbing you, am I?”_

_“nah you could never. is there smth on your mind”_

Shuuichi hesitates for a few long moments, wondering how he should respond to that. He’d hate to overshare, or end up sounding as pathetic as he feels. Maybe he should have at least planned _something_ to start with beforehand, even if it would have inevitably come out sounding rehearsed.

_“I guess, but it’s not really important.”_ He feels like that’s an excuse at best and a rather transparent lie at worst, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

_“well if its keepin you up its gotta be at least a little important”_

_“I didn’t say that’s what’s keeping me up.”_ Another, equally obvious lie.

_“shuuichi do you think im an idiot”_

_“I didn’t say that, either.”_

_“but ur thinking it  
or else you wouldnt bullshit me like that”_

_“I’m not. Really, I just feel like talking to you.”_

When Shuuichi gets no reply to that, he begins to worry. Did he say something wrong? Has he somehow offended Kaito? No, maybe Kaito just happened to fall asleep. Shuuichi decides that he would much prefer that alternative, and tries to convince himself that that’s the most likely thing to have happened.

He’s startled back into focus exactly twelve minutes later by his phone vibrating. He checks his messages again to see, with some relief, that he got one back from Kaito. Then he opens it and finds himself once again at a loss for words.

_“come outside”_

Had it been from anyone else, it would seem ominous. Coming from Kaito, though, it can only mean one thing. Shuuichi brings a hand to his forehead in muted awe as this occurs to him.

_Is he really…?_

Deciding that he has to see for himself, Shuuichi scrambles out of his futon and relocates his binder, which he’d taken off earlier with the full intention of going to bed. The need to make himself presentable enough to step outside is as good a reason as any to put it back on, even if it necessitates dealing with all the buttons on his pajama shirt. Then, treading quietly so as not to wake up his uncle, he heads for the front door.

He only opens it enough to poke his head outside, and sure enough, Kaito is there, standing a little farther down the front walkway with his back to Shuuichi. At the sound of the door opening, though, he turns and offers Shuuichi a wide and carefree grin, like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him showing up at someone else’s house at a time like this.

“Yooo, Shuuichi-” He greets too loudly, only to cut himself off as Shuuichi frantically puts a finger to his own lips and gestures for Kaito to keep it down.

“What are you doing here, Momota-kun?” Shuuichi hisses, slipping out of the house entirely and shutting the door behind him. Then he casts a glance behind Kaito and notices the car pulled up too close to the sidewalk. “Do your grandparents know you took their car out this late at night?”

“That part’s not important,” Kaito says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I came here to see you. You wanted to talk to me, right?”

Shuuichi blinks, dumbfounded. “I- I didn’t mean in person!”

“Yeah, but when men have serious conversations, they should do it face-to-face,” Kaito tells him matter-of-factly.

Shuuichi opens his mouth to point out that the fact that they’re men has absolutely nothing to do with Kaito’s impulsive behavior, but stops himself at the last second and runs a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh. He has to remind himself, once again, that Kaito’s reasoning is impossible to understand, much like the rest of him.

“I don’t think I have anything that serious to talk about,” he finally replies. “Definitely not anything that warranted you visiting at this time of night.”

Kaito hums skeptically, crossing his arms. “Well, even if I don’t believe that, it’s not like I don’t have my own reasons for coming over.”

“What do you mean?” Shuuichi asks, puzzled.

“Shuuichi.” Kaito speaks as though he didn’t hear Shuuichi’s question. “You haven’t been neglecting your training lately, have you?”

_Oh._ Shuuichi doesn’t know why the question evokes guilt of all things, but he finds that he can no longer meet Kaito’s eyes. Kaito roped Shuuichi into being his exercise partner months ago, and Shuuichi remembers fondly the late summer evenings they’d spend rigorously training together. He’d never figured out what exactly they were training for, but he’d gone along with it - reluctantly at first, but eventually motivated by the desire to become stronger, somehow.

He’s continued to do his best to remain fit since they grew too busy to meet up every night, but there are times when it’s difficult. Times when he can’t remember why he even attempts to improve himself. Times when completing even basic tasks is a drain on his energy. Times when he recognizes all too acutely that he's weak and there's little he can do about it.

The prolonged silence is apparently enough of an answer for Kaito. “I was worried that might be it. I remember you telling me a while back that you sleep better after you’ve exercised. So!” He puts his hands on his hips, confident in whatever strange conclusion he’s just drawn. “If your problem’s not something that can be talked out, then you just gotta sweat it out!”

Shuuichi frowns, his nose crinkling at the particular way Kaito phrased that. _Gross._ He knows that there’s a grain of truth somewhere in what Kaito said, but he’s not thrilled at the prospect of dropping everything to work up a sweat this late at night, and still in his pajamas, too. Really, could anyone blame him?

Kaito doesn't seem to notice any irritation on Shuuichi’s part, though. “Let’s warm up, first. We’ll start with fifty push-ups!” he declares, clearly having already made up his mind.

“Fifty- since when is that a warm-up?!” Shuuichi protests. Granted, when they used to train together regularly they would often do more than that, but Shuuichi remembers all too well how sore it left him. He would rather not go to bed with his limbs feeling like jelly.

“Are you kidding me? Fifty’s easy, especially for us!” With that, Kaito takes Shuuichi’s arm and pulls him over to the front lawn. That’s when Shuuichi realizes that there’s really no easy way out of this, and so resigns himself to it, however begrudgingly.

It only occurs to him what a terrible idea this is when he’s about halfway through his set of push-ups and his chest is burning. He dimly recalls one of the cardinal rules of binding, courtesy of various internet forums: don’t exercise while wearing a binder.

_Whoops._

Still, he feels like he can’t quit now. He should at least be able to do this much, he thinks, and a glance over at Kaito reifies his determination.

Unsurprisingly, Kaito is already finished by the time Shuuichi shakily completes his last few push-ups. Kaito is now sitting back in the grass beside him to watch, and Shuuichi can feel the concerned look he’s getting as he proceeds to collapse, rolling onto his back with a pained wheeze.

Yeah, this was a bad idea. But how was he supposed to know that Kaito was going to drag him out to make him exercise? Had he been informed in advance, he’d have opted for a sports bra instead - he’d gotten them for the express purpose of training, after all.

Still, he can’t hold it against Kaito for trying to help. Kaito doesn’t know yet.

So Shuuichi lies there, closing his eyes and trying with immense difficulty to steady his breathing. Kaito asks if he’s okay, and he forces himself to nod and make an affirmative noise in response.

There’s a pause that feels too long before Kaito sighs. “Ah, well. If you’re already spent, I guess there’s no helping it.” Then he hears shuffling noises, and when Shuuichi opens his eyes again, Kaito is reclining next to him with his hands folded behind his head.

Shuuichi wonders if Kaito is disappointed in him, and the words “I’m sorry” escape in a breathless rush before he’s even aware of them. 

Kaito looks over at him with a frown. “Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?” When Shuuichi is quiet, he continues, “If it’s for being out of shape, you shouldn’t be apologizing to me for that. Just get better- I mean, that’s the whole point of this. And you can’t get better if you spend all your time doubting yourself.”

Shuuichi still doesn’t answer, keeping his face tilted upwards instead. The sky stretches out above him, dark and vast and daunting, and it causes the inexplicable loneliness he was feeling earlier to start welling back up within him. He’s never understood how seeing the same night sky can imbue Kaito with such boundless energy.

Almost as if Kaito can read Shuuichi’s thoughts, he speaks up again. “Hey. About whatever’s bothering you… I can’t make you tell me. But know this: every burden is easier to carry when you share it with someone.”

“... Right,” Shuuichi replies absentmindedly. Kaito makes it sound easy. He makes everything sound easy, really. It’s one of the many things about him that Shuuichi finds incredible and admirable and so, so frustrating.

Still, as frustrating as he can be, Kaito has always had a mysterious way of making Shuuichi feel like he’s actually capable of things he wouldn’t have considered otherwise.

A brief silence falls between them before Shuuichi breaks it, not only feeling like he owes some kind of explanation, but hoping for an opportunity to convey how empty he’s been feeling as of late. He’s not sure if Kaito will understand, but maybe being able to get it off his chest will be enough to help. “It’s just… I feel as if I’ve been lacking direction for a while.”

“Lacking direction?” Kaito repeats. “What do you mean?”

Shuuichi furrows his brow in thought. “I… I guess you could say that I’m having trouble recalling my sense of purpose, so to speak. Even the things I enjoy doing have become draining. It’s made me feel more than ever like I can’t measure up to others’ expectations, which in turn makes me question why I try in the first place.”

Kaito lets out a low, pensive hum. “And who says you’ve gotta do that?”

“Huh?” Shuuichi turns his head, caught off-guard by the question.

“Who says you need to measure up to other people’s expectations? Shouldn’t you just be setting goals for yourself?” Upon seeing the dumbfounded look Shuuichi is giving him, he elaborates, “I'm not saying you shouldn't do things for others, I'm saying you shouldn’t depend on them for approval. Live your life the way you want to, not the way people expect you to.” 

Shuuichi resists the urge to grimace. _He's doing it again._ “You're making it sound easier than it actually is.” 

Kaito’s expression hardens. “When did I ever say it was easy?” 

Shuuichi opens his mouth as if to respond, then closes it, recognizing his mistake. _Ah._

“I didn’t say it was easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Anything’s possible, if you’re willing to put in enough effort. Haven’t I told you that before?” Kaito then rolls onto his side to look at Shuuichi, keeping his upper half propped on one elbow. “Besides, you’ve got me to help you out when it gets tough, don’t you?”

Shuuichi can’t deny that much, he supposes. Kaito is one of the most reliable people he knows. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right,” he finally concedes.

“Exactly. So don’t go thinking you’re alone, or else I'll just have to come back and remind you that you're not!”

For the first time that night, Shuuichi smiles, just a little bit. “That sounds like a threat.”

“It's not!” Kaito insists. “It's a promise!”

“All right,” Shuuichi sighs, but it doesn't sound quite as exasperated as he intended. “Just come over earlier next time.”

“Well, you've got to promise me something, too,” Kaito says. “I want you to let me know when you need to rely on me. Otherwise, I won’t be able to hold up my end of the deal.” Acting as if he’s already decided everything, he holds out his free hand expectantly. “Got it?”

Although taken aback by the gesture at first, Shuuichi manages to nod and lift his hand to grasp Kaito’s so they can shake on it. Kaito’s hand is warm and calloused, and he squeezes Shuuichi’s smaller one firmly, leaving Shuuichi feeling oddly disappointed when he pulls away mere seconds later.

“Okay then. I’ll hold you to it,” Kaito says, flopping onto his back again with a relaxed smile.

Something about that smile solidifies Shuuichi’s resolve and makes it possible for him to smile, too. He’s able to disregard the time of night, and the ache in his chest, and the fact that his pajamas probably have grass stains on them now. For now, he’s content to lie there, tired and sore, yet relieved. This encounter may not have even come close to solving his problems, but at the very least, he isn’t lonely anymore.

Part of Shuuichi wants to thank Kaito, but he stops himself from doing so aloud, knowing that Kaito would deem it unnecessary. So he returns his gaze to the sky, simply thinking the words instead.

**Author's Note:**

> i, for one, would love to have kaito momota show up at my door to dropkick the depression out of me


End file.
